Lorenzo Lowe Vs Ethan Axel Andrews
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lorenzo lowe vs ethan axel andrewsJuly 13, 2017
What do you have planned for National Suicide Prevention Month?
Tiny hands grasped mine, drowning in a cold, dark abyss. I was looking down a 3 foot deep hole, with only 5 inches of dirt above me. It felt like the end of the world, and it was the morning of June 5th, 2016, when I was about to find myself in that pit.
Tiny hands are now the fists of my children, and they are the hands that are in need of protection. It's easy to take the innocence of children for granted, but who would have ever expected that one day, we would be witnessing the loss of someone who was younger than our children?
I spent the last three years with my beautiful girl Amanda. From her smile to her infectious laughter, I was blessed to be her mother. My beautiful girl was an amazing mother and person, who was also loved by her own kids. Unfortunately Amanda had made it very clear to her kids that when she was no longer here, that I was next in line. She was always telling her kids that I would be next, and I was always the number one "worst nightmare."
It was early in the morning of June 5th, 2016, as I was going to put the finishing touches on the kids' school bags before I left for work, that I heard something on the TV. I glanced at the news as I quickly began preparing to take my kids to school. The report went on to say that there had been a successful suicide attempt the night before. Amanda had been in her room and had doused herself in bleach to attempt to take her own life.
The sound of my heart beating made me realize that I was feeling the panic that Amanda must have felt that night before her suicide attempt. It is one thing to know that your heart is beating. It is another thing entirely to feel it and realize that there's nothing you can do to stop it.
As I watched the report, I began to remember bits and pieces of what Amanda had been telling me. She was talking about how she wanted her kids to leave her side when she was no longer here. "You will be next, Mom," she said, and I immediately felt my heart start to sink. It was as if she was prepping me for what she was going to say, and in a way, she was.
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